At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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