there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
