Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
