You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
