why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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