Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
