I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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