ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
