I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Plan B is the new Plan A
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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