the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
