What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
