One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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