chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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