I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
