Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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