she woke up with a sticky ear
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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