Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
