just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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