how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
