New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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