Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
