Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
