if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
