3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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