I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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