when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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