My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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