Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize