his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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