are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
