I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize