I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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