You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
