I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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