he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
