dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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