I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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