I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We got so high we made milksteak
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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