He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
tonight lets celebrate not being married
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
