I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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