Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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