I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
