She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
