Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i believe in u and ur pee
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
