you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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