Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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