Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
