Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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