i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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