I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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