And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
