Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mom said you looked used
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
