That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
