there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize