If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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