I wish they made helmets for livers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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