I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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