and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
