Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a hot homeless man
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
