Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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