for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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