so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
