I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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