I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
