just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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