the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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