so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
