i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
