Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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