I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
