I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
