I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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