Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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