i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
