mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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