I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
