I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
