i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
two words: eviction party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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