It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
