Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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